This here is my familiar, Cosmo.

I like him, but he’s not a very obedient familiar.

So when he did this to my new computer cable…

…it put a bit of a crimp in my plans (hahahah ugh).

So here’s a recipe I’ve had planned for weeks now, but simply couldn’t post without computer access:

On Tuesday, Starbucks kicks off their seasonal Ode to Cozy with the return of their Pumpkin Spice Latte. Personally, I know of several breweries who, in some kind of “craft” beer arms race, released their fall seasonals way back in the first week of August. Permanent Roomate hates this. He rails against the fates at each beer run, moaning about “one-upmanship” ruining the market, the inappropriateness of releasing heavy beers in the hottest weeks of the year, how old and stale the pumpkin mash must be, as pumpkins have not been in season for ten or eleven months and won’t be until well after the last 2016 pumpkin ales have kicked. “Pumpkin beers are for Christmas!” he exclaims. “It takes at least four weeks after harvest to make a decent pumpkin beer!” Meanwhile, I sip the following cocktail quietly, knowing that liquors can preserve flavors practically forever and if I want to have a maple-pumpkin orgy on the Fourth of July, I can. Because I am an American. And a Basic Witch.

The Basic Witchcraft:

As usual, you’re not going to find a lot of fussy measurements, particularly in the case of cocktails. As I always say: “Liquor is easy; living is hard.” Don’t over-think this. You will, however, need to assemble a few, high-quality ingredients. When cheap liquor and sugar get together, the results are almost always disastrous (Do you remember college parties? With the Jungle Juice? I don’t). In addition, if you’re anything like me, you’ll want nice enough leftovers to drink straight. So here’s the cast of characters:

• A nice whiskey/whisky, bourbon or rye. Bourbon works the best (Maker’s Mark, Basil Hayden’s, and Buffalo Trace’s Eagle Rare tend to be our go-tos because they’re relatively inexpensive around here). I could see Southern Comfort as a wonderful substitution here, although its status as a bourbon is questionable – it’s basically vodka dressed up as bourbon for Halloween. I picked Scotch because Scotch is my jam, because I thought a little bit of the peat smokiness would come through (debatable), and…I wanted leftover Scotch. As you can probably tell, SwampWitch is a bit of a lush.
• A maple liqueur. Sortilège is a Québécois whisky and maple syrup concoction that I believe is more widely available than most. We have a local distillery that makes a killer maple liqueur with 100% home-tapped syrup. If you live in the Northern U.S., I highly suggest poking around and seeing what’s produced in your neck of the woods. Just don’t be a fool like me and get a maple cream liqueur by accident. It will make a mighty-fine  “Bushmills and Bailey’s” type cocktail, but isn’t what we’re looking for here. Trust me, cream liqueurs just don’t play nice with our next ingredient…
• Hard Cider. Buy local and stick it in your basement, unrefrigerated, for a couple of weeks. Buy from a local cidery or winery. Hell, buy a six-pack of Strongbow or Angry Orchard. Crispin is another chain that should be easy to find.
• Ok. You know what comes next. The cocktail is called “Basic Witchcraft,” for pete’s sake. You’re gonna need some PUMPKIN SPICE.
• Yeah. I get it. It’s cheesy, but you know that sh** is delicious. No. This is not a cocktail “just for girls,” just as my PS4 is not exclusively for Permanent Roomate (actually, he barely plays. It was bought for me, primarily). Make like En Vogue, “free your mind,” and move on.

I typically follow a 3-2-1 pattern for my cocktails – 3 parts primary liquor, 2 parts secondary, and 1 part of any juices, oils or flavorings. This is a little different. You’ll use 2-3 parts whiskey to 2 parts of the maple liqueur, fill to top with cider and garnish with pumpkin spice. Keep in mind that all of these “measurements” are simply suggestions. If you like it sweet, add more maple or try a pumpkin spice simple syrup! If you’re looking for more burn and smoke, swap the whiskey for whisky and try an Islay single-malt like Laphroaig. Go nuts! Mind your own cauldron and make the world a more spirited place! (hahaha ugh. Chef John would be proud of me.)

Now go. MAKE THE FOOD DRINK!

Dedicated to the memory of my friendly neighborhood witch and her familiar. I loved her to pieces and this was one of her favorite songs.